


The Thing About Guilt

by magicasen



Category: Avengers (Comics), Iron Man (Comic), Marvel (Comics), Marvel 616
Genre: Avengers Vol. 1 (1963), M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-14
Updated: 2017-03-14
Packaged: 2018-10-05 01:24:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10294232
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/magicasen/pseuds/magicasen
Summary: During and after the Armor Wars, Steve confronts Tony, and the results aren't what either of them expected.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Happy 10 years, Steve/Tony! 
> 
> For the 616 anniversary ficlets, I got 1988! AKA the year of the Armor Wars, Steve/Tony's first major conflict. Much of the dialogue in this is lifted straight from Captain America #341 and Iron Man #238. It ended up...more preslash-y than I expected, but a true fix-it probably needs many more words than I could give this.

Tony jumped a foot in the air when Dawn screamed.

“Tony, who's that!?”

Steve, now known as the Captain, looked at Tony in challenge. The shield Tony had made for him rested between his knees. Black and red was a far more intimidating color scheme than his usual _—former—_ Tony reminded himself—outfit. 

“A friend,” Tony paused, “of Iron Man's.” Although, Tony couldn't place confidence in those words anymore. “You managed to outwit all of my security devices, Captain. I'm impressed. I designed them myself.” It was men of his ability, but not goodness or justness, that Tony was crusading against.

Steve remained unfettered at the praise. “Let's cut the chitchat and get down to business in private.”

“Very well.” Tony picked up the telephone. Dawn was a lovely woman, but there was only so much fun Tony Stark could partake in when Iron Man came into the picture. Despite her protests, Tony had her out the door swiftly. Shame _—_ he was so weak for the blondes.

Tony shoved his hands into his pockets after her exit, deciding they might as well get it over with. He hadn't exactly been proud of what'd he'd done the last time they met.

“I take it you've come to tell me how disappointed you are at what happened between us at the Vault last week?”

“That goes without saying.” If Steve was judgmental before, he was indisputably sanctimonious now. “I actually have three other reasons! First is to return this shield!”

The shield caught Tony in the gut, knocking the wind out of him. He clutched his arms around it, examining his reflection on the surface. That was some throw _—_ he should take pride in the design, although Steve could probably achieve similar results with a trash can lid. Of course, Steve hadn't thrown it hard enough to do anything besides make a statement, but there was no denying the force behind his action.

Tony remembered the light that had shone in Steve's eyes when he'd received it. There was none of that left anymore, and it was on him for ruining that for Steve.

But he couldn't bring himself to regret it. Regret that their friendship had been the sacrifice to pay, yes, but Tony had an entire world to think of and to protect. Things that only brought Tony Stark happiness paled in comparison.

Even though it killed him inside, like his heart was being carved out with an ice-cream scoop, he couldn't forget that.

“Second,” Steve continued, “I came to tell you how much damage you did by incapacitating the guards at the Vault. You caused a power outage enabling five dangerous criminals to escape. Two of whom are still at large!”

Tony jerked his gaze up. “I'm sorry.” Dear lord, if his attempt at rectifying his mistakes had led to even more innocent deaths... “If I'd have known, I would have _—_ ”

“Third, and lastly, I've come to turn you over to the authorities for your various offenses!”

“Come on, Steve. You can't be serious.” If he was serious, then Tony's worst fears back at the Vault really weren't unfounded.

“Catch!”

Tony didn't bother to check what Steve would do with the shield after he hurled it. As long as it didn't ram him in the back before he could get out of here. His briefcase swung behind him as he slammed the door to the room behind him, flipping the case open and swiftly assembling the armor in place. He clicked the armor clasps in place at a record pace, driven by adrenaline.

He wasn't interrupted, and wasn't that just like Steve, to at least give him enough time to put up some resistance. Steve would never run an electrical charge through a unsuspecting friend to get them out of the way

“All right, Steve,” Tony said, emerging from the hallway, “now how about we talk this over _—_ man to Iron Man!”

“Save your breath. I don't care if you are wearing the most sophisticated personal weapons system ever devised _—_ I'm still taking you in! Come along quietly and there'll be no fight!”

Steve reached out, and Tony slapped his arm away. “You must know I can't do that. It would mean giving up my armor, my identity, my very fight for justice!”

“You should have considered that before you went outside the law!” Steve launched himself over Tony, trying to force his submission from behind as he locked his legs around Tony's chest and arms under the helmet.

Pointless. Going through the law took time, and that was a luxury Tony didn't have anymore. Ignorance and time had allowed Spymaster to steal his designs and Hammer to sell them in turn to countless villains. All of them, taking advantage of _his_ technology, and he couldn't even imagine the amount of lives ruined because of it.

“I have to admire your courage, Captain.” Trying to fight him without his shield, really? Tony threw Steve off, sending him across the room. The couch toppled and crashed to the floor, Steve only barely managing to land on his feet. “But there's no way on Earth you're going to win this one!

“Anyone tell you how mule-headed you are, Steve? You get an idea _—_ like taking me in _—_ and no matter how absurd it is, you pursue it with maniacal intensity?”

The balcony was on the other side of Steve, but the guy was knocked off-balance—if Tony could just reach it _—_ “Listen to me: I had valid reasons for crossing the authorities as I did. It was my technology the guardsmen were employing—but I don't know any of them! There's no telling what harm that armor could cause in the wrong hands—harm that I would be indirectly responsible for! It's better that I neutralize it so the worst cannot come to pass! Don't you see that?”

Strong hands grabbed his thighs, and Tony faltered, nearly crashing with Steve clinging onto him. “I see that what you did was way out of line,” Steve shouted, “and caused just the sort of harm you claim you wanted to prevent!”

Steve had some sense of self-preservation, releasing Tony and rolling to the floor as Tony stumbled several steps to a halt before he smacked face-first into the wall. He turned around, watching Steve as he got back to his feet.

“Look Cap, despite our years of friendship, I can no more expect you to understand or approve of what I had to do than you can expect me to understand why you gave up being Cap!”

“This has become a matter of honor, mister! A concept I thought you knew something about!” And that's what it came down to for him, wasn't it? Even if Tony tried to explain his reasoning, it wouldn't change Steve's mind when he was so dead-set on it. It was all because Tony got him when he wasn't looking, used dirty tactics to win a fight. Tony wasn't proud of the fact, but at least he could own up to it. Gladly, if it meant that more people could be kept safe.

“Sorry to have to do this Cap...but it's time we brought this little scuffle to a halt!” Tony wasn't happy about it, but since Steve had already been hit with a charge from his gauntlet, it was go big or go home at this point. The beam from the armor's power source hit Steve dead-on, and a pained groan escaped his friend. “Don't worry, the effects of my high-density beam will fade in a few minutes.”

“Let's face facts here: there's no way you can take me in against my will.” Tony stood over Steve, fallen to his knees. “This fight is a waste of our precious time. I'm leaving now and I don't intend to return here, or anywhere you might think of looking for me until my mission is accomplished. I promise you this Steve, when I have finished what I have to do, I'll look you up and we'll have a long talk about ethics. You have my word!”

Steve made no move toward him, looking up and glaring. “Do I, old friend? I thought I could trust your word once, before when you attacked me at the Vault. But now, I don't know if I can take any of your promises!”

Tony scowled, realizing after a moment that Steve wouldn't be able to see it. “When you're like that, nothing will change your mind! Fine, I'll just have to prove it!”

He stepped forward, and Steve flinched like he was trying to step back. Tony lifted the helmet off, watching as Steve's body tensed, ready to spring at a moment's notice.

Did this make a difference—looking at each other without the mask in-between? Tony wasn't sure, and he gnashed his teeth together. He had to do something to convince Steve, something he could never lie about. Something unrelated to his mission, so that Steve couldn't undermine him at a future impasse.

Tony leaned down, and he thought Steve was about ready to headbutt him. He stopped him by leaning in and mashing their lips together.

Steve froze, and Tony thought he was going to be on the receiving end of a black eye just about now, once Steve had recovered. But he safely extricated himself from the situation a few seconds later.

“You do,” Tony insisted to Steve's stunned expression. Steve closed his mouth, then opened it again with a soft pop, and Tony couldn't think about this, he really couldn't contemplate what had just happened even further.

He stumbled backward, and Steve made no move to follow as Tony leapt onto the railing of the balcony, giving one final look back when he whirled around and jumped off.

* * *

Tony tiled his head back, letting the Californian sun beat against his face. The occasional car passing behind added the right amount of background noise to the scene, the oncoming rush and subsequent fade lulling his mind.

Maybe it would help if any of it could actually make him feel warm.

He pushed his hair back. The Armor Wars were over. He'd neutralized every last bit of armor that had used his stolen circuitry as a base. He'd watched the tapeworm virus at work, erasing every trace of top-secret Stark technology from the world's computers.

He'd watched Titanium Man burn up in flames weeks ago, and that was just one person. Countless, faceless others haunted him in his nightmares, and there was nothing he could say to them.

In the daytime, he could tell himself to honor their memory and dedicate his cause in their name, but that was the thing about dreams, and guilt. Logic need not apply.

Speaking of guilt...he probably wouldn't show up. Not after what Tony had done. He'd broken his trust as both Iron Man and Tony Stark in one fell swoop. On any day, Tony would have chosen Iron Man over Tony Stark, but now he couldn't answer if he could handle losing Steve Rogers in the deal.

There was a rev of an engine slowing down, and Tony sat up, turning to see the new arrival. His heart stuttered to a stop along with the bike, and its rider swung a leg over as he got off.

“Hello, Steve. Glad you could make it.”

Steve took off his helmet, tucking it under his arm, looking like he'd walked straight out of a Hollywood set, and Tony wasn't sure how to deal with noticing all these things, now, a constant, low-frequency buzz that had crested into a crescendo of notes.

“When Iron Man faced off against me as the Captain, I thought that would be the end. But you said you'd talk when you were ready. I'm here to listen.”

Straight to the point. Right—it's not like Tony had given him much time for formalities when he'd jolted him in the back back at the Vault, either.

“It doesn't matter who's in the Iron Man armor,” Tony began, practiced. “What's important is that I control him, and that means that sooner or later, we're going to end up on the same side. It might be wise to keep our disagreements confined to the civilian world. Might help keep people alive.”

Steve stared at him, mouth slightly ajar. “I'm a practical man, Tony. I like I'm a just one as well. If it comes to that, I'll lay my life on the line for Iron Man.”

“And you can trust Iron Man at Cap's back.” Tony tried to smile, but there was nothing behind it. Steve looked similarly at a loss, and of course it was him to recover first.

“But,” Steve began, “if you'd like to keep our disagreements between us as Steve and Tony...”

Tony's stomach sank. Here it was. He'd made this choice, hadn't he? They could continue on as Cap and Iron Man for the good of the people they protected, but just between them, as Steve and Tony...

He could just imagine the spin Steve could put on it.  _I don't feel comfortable being your friend anymore._ Taken advantage of, but that was just his own mind coming up with undue cruelty Steve would never use. No, he'd just talk about how he didn't feel the same way, but he was always glad to have Iron Man at his side, what Tony had always known. 

“I'm sorry,” Tony blurted. “I just—heat of the moment—adrenaline. I couldn't very well punch you, so I did the next best thing. I guess it's just good I've never done that to Moon Knight or something, huh? Much worse to happen than just getting kicked off the Avengers.”

He wasn't sure what he was hoping for. A smile, maybe, but Steve looked even deeper in contemplation.

“Well, it's good to hear even Tony Stark can get rattled. I figured out the shield was a way to deceive me, distract me, so I assumed—I'm glad I was wrong.” Silence followed, as Steve didn't meet his eyes. “How long did you have that speech ready, counting on our years as fellow Avengers, to get you out of this?”

“I'm not trying to get out of anything, Steve. I just wanted to clarify where we stood.”

Steve looked out over the cliff, and Tony watched as he shifted his grip on his helmet, exhaled a slow breath.

“I appreciate you reaching out to me, Tony.” Steve turned back to him. “But I wish it went further than just getting into contact. I'm just sorry that you can apologize to me for a kiss and not for what happened at the Vault.”

Tony rocked back, blinking a bit from the words. “There are things I'm sorry for, yes. I'm sorry that I used you, and betrayed your trust. I'm sorry I was careless, and let those prisoners escape. I didn't mean any harm, but I also know that intentions don't mean anything, sometimes.” He tried for a shrug, figured that would upset Steve even further, and leaned against the hood of the car, instead. “That's the thing, Steve. It's just—You have the right to be angry. You're right. But I can't apologize for why I did it. I can't think it's wrong. I know _you_ can divorce me from the technology I make, but they came from my hands. It's the reason why I didn't just go hire someone else to be Iron Man like everyone believes I did. If I was a better person, like you...then maybe I wouldn't need to remind myself so much, but now it's all I can do to never forget.”

Tony was shaking a bit, by the end. It was weak, and he knew it, because anyone who subscribed to the same philosophy of ends-justifying-the-means as him would only see how much harm he'd caused in the course of his actions.

“I understand what it's like to be ravaged by guilt, Tony.” Steve's voice shook Tony out from his thoughts. “It's not a look I like on you. I don't agree with your methods, but I can respect the same drive to do good behind it as mine. It's what drew me to you in the first place.” Steve sighed. “I always knew it too, and I'm sorry. Perhaps I was too quick to action, ready to turn you in before I would hear you out.”

Something uncurled from Tony's chest, and he could have swayed from the acknowledgment. “Thank you, Steve. That means a lot to me.”

Steve acknowledged him with a small nod. “From now on, I'll try to remember things as well as you do. I'll try to...do more, in all ways.” He paused, long enough for Tony to read into it, but not long enough for any revelations to be made. “If you're willing to do the same for me.”

There was the first smile Tony had won that day, and he felt warmer, the notes around them hitting their climax. Steve stuck his hand out first, and Tony took it.

“I'd like to try,” he replied.


End file.
